yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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