Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
