i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just cropdusted the office
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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