I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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