$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Can Purell be used as lube?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
