so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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