I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
everyone is single if you try hard enough
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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