so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
