he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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