so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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She's like a pop up book from hell.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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