What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
