Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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