birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
