I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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