i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
