It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
