While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
