talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
