I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sober January is a disaster.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
