Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
