She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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