pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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