Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
God, I missed his penis.
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