It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
