I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
