You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
