I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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