how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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