I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can feel your judgement through the phone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
