Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
