ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
