What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
