well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
