you're like a bully in the Christmas story
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
