All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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