Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
