Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
