today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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