rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
