we have pet lesbian snakes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
