Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Someone came in the potted fern
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
