just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
