Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
