no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
