I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
