i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
