I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The air taste purple.
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