capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
