K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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