You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
