Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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