She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
be right there i have to get my cape
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
