I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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