Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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