i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
