And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
