there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
