I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
