I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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