Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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