i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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