Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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