Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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