The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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