he was CRYING into my vagina
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
