my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
