I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
