so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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