I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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