I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
