And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
