i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
