So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
