So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
