You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
