I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
