That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
