i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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