I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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